Nobody likes falling apart. It is frustrating and we want to be perfect all the time. Perfect is not a thing. It is time to get that out of our heads.

It may have come from childhood from our parents, teachers, a coach or somewhere else. When we say it out loud, it sounds ridiculous. Of course no one is perfect! That is crazy talk, yet here we are.

As a child if you are scolded whenever you make a mistake, there is shame and guilt depending on the reaction of the adult. Making a mistake makes you bad and doing it right makes you good.

As adults, we are embarrassed or ashamed as that old voice in our head comes through with negative self-talk.

This is a trauma response.

What do we often do?

Keep it to ourselves and beat ourselves up. Not very helpful. Then we bury it and pretend everything is all sunshine and rainbows while we avoid our healing.

It’s time to stop that cycle. It is ok not to be ok.

I have had to deal with a lot lately and ended up having a meltdown with some pretty negative self-talk.

After it was over, and I calmed down, I went in the bathroom and looked in the mirror. I looked into my eyes and said,

“You know that isn’t true. Stop those lies. You are loved. You are worthy.” And took a deep breath.

I recently learned of a method to help when the anxiety kicks in.

Start breathing deeply while having one hand on your heart and one hand just below your belly button (sacral chakra).  As you are doing this think of a memory that makes you happy or something you love doing. This will release the fear response and calm your system. It helped me quite a bit.

Another thing I do is stop and ask myself the following questions:

• Why is this coming up now?
• How does it make me feel?
• Where do I feel it on my body?
• Why did this event trigger me?

The point of these questions is to acknowledge the reaction and pay attention to the details.

Sitting with a pen and paper to answer the questions and let it all out helps the flow for me.

They aren’t easy questions to answer but I find when I can understand the why, it helps my healing journey.

Healing is a lifelong journey. We are rarely one and done. Sometimes we believe we have healed a certain part of ourselves. It might even be years before a trigger pops up.

It is worth the time to release it instead of pushing it back down again.

These are some techniques that work for me. Maybe they can help you too.

Remind yourself it is ok to fall apart. It allows you to move through it and start the healing process.

If you need support with this, I am here and happy to support your healing journey. It is so much easier with support.

You are worth it!

Love Alanna